Ways To Save A Marriage
When I first sat down to write this article one of the first things that went through my head was that I didn't want it to be cliche. I wanted to tell people the best ways to save a marriage without talking about the same things everyone else talks about like good communication skills,etc.
But, as I got further into the article it occurred to me that the reason everyone talks about some of these common themes is that following that advice are the best ways to save a marriage.
So, in this article, I will talk about other things you have no doubt heard before, but I will present them in a way that provides you with actual tools to use and not just theories.
It's great for me to tell you that one thing you and your partner must learn to do is to communicate, but how exactly does that work? That is the one piece of the puzzle that is often missing.
Let me give you a few examples of what I mean by learning to communicate:
1. Good communication means that you know how to let others know what you want and expect from them without making them feel like they are being blamed, or that they are stupid.
Being able to convey your emotions, even negative ones, without your partner feeling like they are being attacked is one huge step in the right direction.
Now, there is something I need to point out here, even if you learn to communicate in a healthy way, that doesn't necessarily mean your partner is right there with you.
No matter how "blame free" you express yourself they may still "hear" recriminations and blame.
This can happen for two main reasons: one, the two of you have communicated with blame and recriminations for so long that is all they hear, and /or two, they are so insecure in themselves they can't hear what you say without believing it is really all about them.
These issues will take time, and probably some counseling, to overcome. But at least you can start right now on learning non -blaming ways of saying your peace.
2. Try to avoid the absolutes like: "you always do X" and "you never do Y", etc. This is one of the quickest ways to make your partner angry and have them shut down.
When that happens nothing gets accomplished except that the two of you have built up yet one more wall between you.
Instead, take a moment to decide what it is you really want and what it is that is really making you unhappy, then try to express that in a non judgmental fashion to your partner.
For example: if your partner forgot to pick up your dry cleaning, what really made you mad? Is it the fact that you feel like they don't do their fair share?
Is it the fact that you don't feel they do anything for you? It is about more than just not having your dry cleaning and that "bottom point" is what you need to get to.